Out with the old...

I love the feeling of shedding an old skin and emerging as the improved version of me. I've not changed, not really. I've just updated myself. Grown into a better version of who I used to be, still looking the same on the outside, but still so different on the inside. It's the sloughing off of the imperfections that weigh me down, the unloading of loose baggage, and the removal of the people that are toxic to the person that I try so hard to truly be. Life shouldn't be that hard. So I say screw it...shed it off and start anew. Aaahhh, refreshing! That feels so much better.

During the new year, everyone feels the need to mark some grand milestone, make resolutions (that they know they probably won't keep, and I'm no exception to this), and make a grand gesture of life alteration for the incoming year. Out with the old, in with the new! Bite me! I'm still me, I'm not going to change who that is, and I'm looking forward to being me in the New Year! Me, with modifications, additions, loss of baggage, moderate upheaval, and a really big smile on my face. I have so much to love and be excited about in my life. Why would I want to drastically alter that?

I'm getting married for crying out loud!! One of my oldest childhood friends is getting married, too. We're growing up! I'm gonna be someone's wife, and I'm gonna have a husband. I never thought I would hear myself say that! I thought for sure that I was destined to be unmarried...a SPINSTER....for the rest of my life. If I changed, then who would the poor sap marry? It certainly wouldn't be me anymore.

We are like craters on the Moon. Now, I know that the idea of us being a crater is a little distressing, but hear me out. The Moon, this satellite that does its rounds with no apparent care in the world, is just up there for us to gaze at, seemingly unchanged and ever-unchanging. Right? WRONG! Consider those craters! They didn't just appear out of nowhere. They were pounded into the surface with the force of a sledgehammer to the back of the hands. The Moon is still the Moon, but with variation. Each crater that appears changes it in some small way, but never changes what it really is. That's us as people.  We take our hits, and they make their impact, but we continue being us. We never change who we are.

And so, to tie my rambling into something that I may have actually been saying, I like to set goals for each year, and then evaluate how well I did as far as reaching them. Not life-altering, but life-improving. Last year, my goal was to find a way to go back to school. Bingo! Goal accomplished. Of course, I was setting that goal for myself for at least 5 years running. It's not like I was such a go-getter that I went all Rocky Balboa on everyone and made it happen. I am, after all, a procrastinator. Goal: procrastinate a little less. Hmmm....

This year, we nail down a budget <snort, what the hell is that? We have money to budget with??> for a wedding. Set a date, and plan. Procrastinate a little less, do homework a lot less last-minute. Note: I did not say stop procrastinating...that would have been a resolution. I said do it less...that is a goal. Seriously people, there IS a difference. Also, I would like to continue my inner debate about whether or not I re-establish contact with my mother. Conundrum....she's not really a willing participant either. Random thought: this wedding is going to be very nontraditional...two dads, no mom, non-biological sister, biological brother, and that's all just my side of the aisle. Not even the half of it to boot. We haven't touched on the groom's side...

And so, to the New Year. An event so important that we feel the need to Capitalize it, because by doing that, it is somehow more Important. Sloughing off the grittier version of me...emerging with the update. Yes, it truly is refreshing...